


Selfcest, Sponsored by the Summoner's Orb Stash

by slotumn



Category: Fire Emblem Heroes, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Claude von Riegan is a Little Shit, Crack, F/M, FE3H Kinkmeme, Foursome - F/F/M/M, Humor, Multi, Selfcest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:49:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24842563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slotumn/pseuds/slotumn
Summary: Younger Lysithea, who was in the middle of getting updates on her family from Older Lysithea, turned around to stare."Claude, are you seriously flirting with yourself right now?""No, but even if I am," Younger Claude moved his hand to grope Older Claude's chest, "what's wrong with appreciating my objectively sexy older self's beautiful physique? As they say, gotta love yourself before you can love others.""That is absolutely not what that meant."
Relationships: Lysithea von Ordelia/Claude von Riegan
Kudos: 15
Collections: FE3H Kink Meme





	Selfcest, Sponsored by the Summoner's Orb Stash

**Author's Note:**

> Done for the [kink meme](https://3houseskinkmeme.dreamwidth.org/1608.html?style=site&thread=1824584). Pretend that this is several months into the future and the alts of Claude and Lysithea are already released shhh (and yes I'm saving up orbs for both of them so that I can S-support them to each other).

"Holy shit, I got ripped."

"I grow that much?"

Those were Claude and Lysithea's first impressions upon seeing their future selves for the first time at the Order of Heroes. 

They've heard that multiple versions of the same heroes got summoned from time to time, but seeing another version of themselves firsthand was quite strange-- and exciting. 

What was Fódlan like, five years later? What were they like? What wisdom could they offer? Did they have any tips and tricks for surviving all the potentially-deadly monthly assignments at Officer's Academy, now that they've survived all that and graduated? 

Thus began younger Lysithea and Claude's (mostly Claude's) scheme to get as much information out of their older selves as possible, and cheat their way through the next five years once they got back to Fódlan.

\---  
\---

"You want to know what's going on five years later?"

Younger Claude nodded. "Just to get a head start over my competitors in my schemes, y'know? You, of all people, should understand."

"I mean, I do, but at the same time..." Older Claude stared back and forth between the younger versions of himself and Lysithea. "...it would be funnier if I didn't."

"Aw, don't be like that, just a little bit of information can't hurt! Like how you got that," Younger Claude pointed at Failnaught, then grabbed his older self's arm, "or these. Because damn."

Younger Lysithea, who was in the middle of getting updates on her family from Older Lysithea, turned around to stare.

"Claude, are you seriously flirting with yourself right now?"

"No, but even if I am," Younger Claude moved his hand to grope Older Claude's chest, "what's wrong with appreciating my objectively sexy older self's beautiful physique? As they say, gotta love yourself before you can love others."

"That is absolutely not what that meant."

Older Lysithea sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. "I forgot how annoying he could be in his younger days...honestly, how in the world did we end up as lovers--"

She clamped her hand over her mouth, but it was too late, as the younger two turned to stare at her with wide eyes.

"We-- what?"

Younger Claude glanced over at Older Claude, who simply said, "Well, I guess you were bound to find out eventually."

"..."

Several moments of silence.

And then, Younger Claude dropped to the ground, holding his stomach as he began laughing his ass off.

"Ahahahahahaha we, what?! Hahahaha, oh my fucking gods--"

Younger Lysithea dragged him back up, huffing and blushing furiously. "For saints' sake, stop laughing so much! You can certainly do worse than her-- or er, me!" 

"Oh? So I'm not the only one who's a bit narcissistic around here~"

"I-I never said anything about my older self being attractive!"

"Well, now you did!"

The older duo exchanged a look while their younger selves continued to argue.

"Should we just have a foursome with them and get it over with?"

"...May as well."

\---

"You know, I was expecting you two to be all over each other or your future partners, not...yourselves," Older Lysithea said, as her younger self massaged her breasts.

Older Claude shrugged as he got a handjob from his younger self. "On the contrary, I think it's pretty intuitive that the first thing a teenage boy would do upon seeing his older self is to check if his dick grew any bigger."

"And it did," Younger Claude confirmed, holding his own dick with his other hand. "Nice."

The two guys high-fived while Older Lysithea rolled her eyes. 

Meanwhile, Younger Lysithea poked her own chest, noting how they didn't get much larger (if at all) during the five years.

"...Is this really as big as I get here?" she asked.

"Well, it's...a fair exchange for growing taller, don't you think?" Older Lysithea kicked her legs, to demonstrate their length.

Younger Lysithea paused and pondered that. "I do suppose that height is more of a factor in being perceived as childlike than breast size."

"Actually, it's both."

"I'd say it was both."

The Lysitheas smacked the Claudes.

\---

"So, I've been thinking," Younger Claude said, after reciprocating a brojob to his older self.

"Yeah?"

"Does this technically count as incest? Since being the same person is about as related as you can get."

Older Claude shrugged. "I don't know, does that make masturbation incest?"

"Huh."

The two of them didn't speak for a while, watching Older Lysithea "prepare" her younger self.

"...Whatever it is, it's hot," Younger Claude concluded, already hard again at the sight of two cute girls getting each other off.

His older self solemnly nodded in agreement as he began jerking off once again.

\---

Several hours later, both Lysitheas were wrecked, exhausted, and trembling from being double-dicked down.

"How...do you manage all this...?" Younger Lysithea panted, barely able to feel her lower body.

"It helps that there usually aren't two of them," Older Lysithea sighed, "but he is a handful."

Younger Lysithea groaned and buried her face into the pillows, and her older self couldn't help petting her on the back with a small giggle.

"Don't worry, you'll have plenty of ways to get back at him."

"Such as?"

"Cock and ball torture."

Older Lysithea gave no further explanations and drifted off to sleep while the younger one gaped (with her mouth, not her other orifices).

\---  
\---

"So," Claude (the older one) casually began, "how many people here would you guess had sex with different versions of themselves at some point?"

Lysithea (also the older one) grimaced. "That's not something I'd like to think about right now, Claude."

"Come on, just throw out a number."

She looked around at the eight Corrins, seven Camillas, six Lyns, six Tikis, and many more heroes who walked around with arms thrown around alternates or duplicates of themselves.

"All of them."

"Thought so."

**Author's Note:**

> [LysiClaude week twitter](https://twitter.com/LysiClaudeWeek?s=20)   
>    
>  [My twitter](https://twitter.com/slotumn?s=09)   
>    
> 


End file.
